When Your Coping Mechanism is Pushing People Away
What a deadly combination — When depression takes the softness in you, when the never-ending overthinking takes the best in you, and when you know exactly what you need but you don’t even make a noise. Or can’t? Or don’t want to?
You lose your appetite, you lose the spark to meet up with the people you love. You don’t sing like you used to, you don’t laugh like you used to, you don’t act like you used to. And sadly, you lose the courage and energy to live your life — I lose everything.
You are in a deep black hole of your own mind. You are trapped in the thought of ‘don’t pop other people’s happiness bubble just to help you fix your own mess’. How cruel, that your mind refuses to get help, that your mind — in so many cases convince you that you can get through this alone.
In your heart, you have raised the white flag. But the mind has a big pride, so it didn’t let you to get help even from the people that love you sincerely. What is it that the mind needs? That the mind tries to achieve from all this?
You isolate yourself in a room full of screams from your own mind, it’s too loud that even when you sleep, you dream of it. It’s scary, and you used to be so brave. You feel like you can’t get out, when the truth is, you actually can.
But the pain is so convenient. It accompanies you from the start, and yes, you are getting comfortable from it. And without you realizing it, you became steel damaged by its own rust.
So, mirror mirror on the wall, how can I get out from this? How can I heal from the addiction of crushing myself with my own mind?
