The Message I’d Never Sent

Hi, it’s me again.

I’m sorry that I’m still being a loser that keep holding back and forth to send this. I guess I’ll never be ready.

It was good to see you the other day. Even until now, I can still feel the touch of your hand that warmed mine. Just like the old times when you used to hug me to give me warm, I guess we’re not doing that anymore, are we? Oh that’s alright, because I’m afraid to reminisce, and maybe you too.

So many things that don’t last, and I hate that we’re being one of those things. I don’t know, because I saw forever in you in so many ways. But I guess I was wrong, and I don’t like to be wrong. So, I cursed myself for being wrong about us. It hurts so much that I become immune.

It’s not that I don’t want the pain to be gone, I do. But that’s the only thing that’s left from you. And I’m afraid that if I relieve the pain, you will be gone too. Forever. So I keep coming back to you, and I’m sorry for that. You’ll never know, but though it hurts me to my core, it’s the kind of pain that worth everything.

I hate to admit but the memory of you, of us, starting to fade away, as we don’t interact like we used to. And it’s good that you’ve been busy, but I feel alone. Despite of anything, I felt alone because I’d never seen your grief about us. As if whatever happened between us was nothing to you. You moved on so fast while I’m stuck in a dark hole of my own mind. But that’s alright, maybe that’s the way you cope. And I could never blame you for that.

I still love you so much, but I’m trying to detach from you at the same time. Piece by piece, melting my feelings that I have for you along with my longing for you. I crave everything from you, but I’m trying to set my boundaries towards you. And I hope, It’s for the best.

See you when I see you, best thing I ever had. x